and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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