i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
50% drunk capacity currently
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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