we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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