i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
