if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
