So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
