He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
