I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
