you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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