ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
