i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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