he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
