I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
