i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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