You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
