Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
