So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
