there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
