I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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