i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
