So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
