apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
