Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
