i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
