his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
