Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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