Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
