she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
