Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
