If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
