Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
