You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
