He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
