The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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