Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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