You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
