If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
