We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
