So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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