he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
