i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
