had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
