you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
