I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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