You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
