It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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