Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
