Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
