Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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