Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
