At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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