Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
