I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
