You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
