You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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