Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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