Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
