Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
