im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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