I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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