In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
