I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
