so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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