You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
