I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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