u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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