I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Boobs are out for the taking
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
