Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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