Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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