I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
