My Higher Power is John Stamos
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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