I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
