ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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